Keep Dating Your Partner
The reality is: Along with the privilege of aging, comes more responsibilities. We might take on more demanding roles at work. We might become responsible for small humans and animals. We might shift into a caretaking role for our parents. All these added responsibilities push us to renegotiate the priorities of where our energy and time is going to go. In the early days of a relationship, it feels easy and natural to prioritize spending time with your love interest: getting to know them and taking action to show they’re important to you. As life speeds up and we begin to see our partner as a fixed entity who hopefully isn’t going anywhere, our romantic intentions take a backseat, and we spend less intentional time doing the things that made us choose each other in the first place.
Dozens of studies have shown that our most intimate relationships determine the quality of our overall lives - people with satisfying social connections are happier, have fewer health concerns, and live longer. It’s essential that we honor our most intimate relationships by prioritizing time together. Here’s a suggestion for how you can get back to dating your partner.
c/o giphy: date
Twice a month, set aside a morning, afternoon, or evening to have your date. One of these dates will be in your home* and one of them will be out in the wild (not your home). One partner is responsible for the in-home date and the other partner is responsible for the date outside of the home. Next month, switch roles. The partner who is responsible for the date takes on all the coordinating and planning (time/place, transportation, supplies, childcare if applicable, etc.) The other partner just gets to show up and be surprised about what has been planned!
In-home dates have you feeling stumped? Here are some ideas for consideration:
Pizza or sushi making night
Make vision boards together
Movie night with special snacks, no phones, in a dark room
Use a conversation card deck such as Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin or We’re Not Really Strangers
Restaurant competition (ex. Get burgers from 2-3 restaurants and compare them at home to rank your favorites)
Make a scrapbook together
Take a virtual cooking class
Play a board game
*In-home dates can be especially helpful for parents of young children who might be wanting to make the most of their 1.5-2 hours of alone time after the kids have gone to bed. I know that it can be incredibly challenging to coordinate childcare and leave the house with little ones at home, so do your best to select date ideas that will be sustainable and attainable for your current family structure. You deserve it.